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February 2017

Tino Robotics Doping Allegations Shock Community

CUPERTINO – In an announcement that sent shockwaves through the STEM community, an anonymous source leaked Wednesday that the Cupertino High School Robotics Team has been using performance enhancing drugs during competitions. “It started out small.” said the anonymous source, their colossal arms pulsing with muscle. “Some muscle milk after a club meeting, a boost of protein after a long build session. It wasn’t long before we were using steroids
before every big robotics competition.”  The source went on to reveal this practice has been occurring since early 2014, and that the team has used anabolic steroids, ephedrine, diuretics, and many other performance enhancing drugs. “It was after the blood-doping for the FTC Play Space Qualifier that I knew I had to quit.” Said the anonymous source, chest muscles practically ripping out of their Tino Robotics apparel. “We kept pushing harder and harder, we would shoot up just to get the strength to debug the image processing firmware. We were so obsessed with winning we had lost sight of what really mattered.” Authorities have announced that an investigation is now being launched into the use of performance enhancing drugs in Tino Quiz Bowl and Model UN.

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