Essay Rubric Asks Literal Child to Demonstrate Deep Understanding of Human Nature

CUPERTINO – A shocking report released early Tuesday morning revealed literal children were being asked to demonstrate a deep understanding of human nature by Cupertino High School essay rubrics. “To get an A on my The Scarlet Letter essay, the rubric said I had to make insightful commentary on the human experience,” stated Junior Thu Yung, a human being who has walked the earth for a mere sixteen years. Students have reported these expectations being found throughout all literature classes and grade levels. “It’s every single essay for every single class,” reported Yung, who has existed for a mere moment compared to the vastness of all human experience. “For some reason I’m having trouble answering questions struggled with since the dawn of civilization in four pages or less.” Said rubric requirements have been found in classes such as Literature/Writing, World Core, American Literature, American Literature Honors, British Literature, Advanced Placement Literature, and Voices of Modern Culture. The Cupertino Corridor has been informed that this is every single literature class offered at CHS. “Good thing our literature teachers are in their thirties,” Said Yung. “I’m sure they have an comprehensive understanding of the human condition by now.”

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