In the aftermath of school shootings across the nation, the topic of arming teachers has become hotly debated. While critics cry that you can’t fight fire with fire, they’re completely blind to all the practical uses of guns in classrooms. Here are the top 5 reasons a gun is an absolute back-to-school must for every teacher!
- It Can Wake Up Sleepy Students
Why push back start times when you have a gun? A good morning shot into the air will wake up your students better than a double shot of espresso! Your students won’t complain that they need 30 extra minutes of sleep when there’s insulation falling from the ceiling.
2. It’s a Quick and Easy Hole Puncher
There’s nothing worse than trying to hole punch 30 papers at once. Worry no more! A gun will blast right through even the thickest stacks! If you’re looking to get in a little target practice, try doing it from across the room!
3. It Keeps Rowdy Classes in Check
From spit balls to passing notes, kids can be a handful! Whipping out your gun and loudly slamming it on your desk is sure to get their attention. After all, nothing says “I’ve got eyes in the back of my head” like the handle of a Smith & Wesson peeking out of your slacks.
4. It’s a Perfect Talking Stick
Many students will roll their eyes at the idea of a talking stick, no matter how good it is for facilitating discussion. I promise that everyone will take it seriously when you start passing around the handgun! Your shy students won’t get talked over when they’re armed!
5. It Can Make Halloween Costumes a Breeze
Halloween sneaks up on all of us, and it’s easy to forget to dress up. Having your gun on hand gives you tons of options- wear all black and be a spy, wear camouflage and be a soldier, give yourself a buzzcut and be a cop!